TwinGalaxiesLive: Fun, Learn, Drama Begins

So I took a little vacation...

Literally. I went to something that I thought was awesome, and I was going to rave and blog about as being super awesome! Twin Galaxies Live! I went to play Street Fighter IV despite having not played it in a loooong time... at least a year and a half, maybe... 2 years? When did Japan Arcade close down?

Well I am glad I waited to post, because the people behind the scenes don't have their heads on very well... I don't know if it is discrimination because I am poor, or disabled, but there was very quick judgmental because as I write this I just got a very shocking call. [Added later: Actually... in the following I do wind up raving about the fun time I had... people who run it don't matter compared to people who're there!]

A friend of mine I hadn't seen for a while was kind enough to introduce me to the place. I was excited because aside from Street Fighter, there was also Hearth Stone that was played on Saturday!! And I like my TCGs. Hearth Stone is all online though, which is the one thing I dislike, so the chance to play it in real life with people, I was very excited at the chance!

Then my friend called me... I am heretofore banned from Twin Galaxies Live... Oh, and he wouldn't give me any sort of contact details for anyone who worked at the building. All that was said was that James had made some comments about me, and it had been decided that I would not be allowed to go back there.... Because of his claims?

Well I used to go to an Arcade back in the day, FFA, Family Fun Arcade. Now that was the happening place. I honestly was thinking, being on the north west end of NoHo, TGL was almost like the new FFA if you wanted to play Street Fighter late on a Sunday night!! But I just had to befriend James...

As a gamer girl, I always have to be careful about making friends. It is tricky and sticky business.

Back at FFA if there was ever an issue they had a 3 strike policy. If someone caused an issue 3 times, they were banned for 6 months or maybe a year if it was something very bad... unless what occurred was like a crime or something serious and there were actual witnesses by employees and such, not just a random person coming up and claiming some silly statement. (I STILL have NO IDEA what James is claiming or saying about me. I am assuming that it is bad. He went from sort of like friendly texts in the afternoon to ignoring by 5 to saying we shouldn't speak by 11...)

So what happened?

Well f*** him... Lemme tell you about TGL - even if the people who run it are messed up with policies- the players are nice for the most part. And I DID have fun! I was one of the first to show up, so I got to play constantly at first. My friend wasn't too interested in playing, and I was very into rewetting my feet.

The set up was pretty cool. I wheeled in (in my wheelchair) and got to see the setup. XBOX 360 (ugh not PS3?) set up in a faux arcade cab with a pull out desk so you could set sticks of your own on it, rather than use the built in cabinent sticks, and stools to sit on so you could easily be seen on camera. I got mic-ed up, and excited began to play, the player who I first faced kindly let me use the better stick, and he used an Injustice stick, which they are horrible... despite having sanwa buttons he said.

I was getting my ass handed to me for the most part, but as the night began to wear on, I slowly began to recall how to play SSFIV and also specific moves of characters that I knew. I was happy that I was able to hold my own against the players, actually winning matches here and there. Until there was a match that the Africa stage took place, then I couldn't do anything but stare at the giraffes and coo at them, but much to the amusement of the guys around me. I still manage to win a round and barely lose, and then demand that there can be no more random selects when I play because the giraffes..... distract me.... My friend backs me up, as we had stopped along the way and there had been a giraffe in a store and I flipped out over it.... lol.

That said friend who had brought me in was eager to brag to me about the set up of the arcade cabinet. Apparently you can play any game in it... and it took years to set up the stream... and he kept explaining and explaining, and he expected me to be impressed... but I'd already seen it, years before, different ways. Better streams even, set up within hours, I wondered why did it take so long? I mean... I have some of this stuff at home, I was thinking to myself. (Literally. West Toast, we recorded and streamed BlazBlue and MeltyBlood, and some of it was recorded on my crappy laptop, over 4 years ago... by me and my best friend Allen.)

I would occasionally get back in for a few matches, with aid of a steady arm to move from the cushy plush couches they had behind the HD cab screen to step to the stool, and then step back. It really was pretty cool, even though we didn't have that many people show up.

I was taking a break from playing when James came inside. TOTALLY my friend type... Into fighting games, into TCGs, and later he was running late for a tabletop game! (Even if it wasn't D&D 3.5). I collect friends like these... We began talking, and I found out that he was into writing, like I am (if you couldn't guess), and we had a lot in common aside from our gaming interests. At the time he seemed very mature... A lot like the last James I quickly befriended in a gaming event ironically. 

James wasn't playing many matches, and I asked why. He said he was too newbish to play much yet, but I pointed out how rusty I was, and how I was still playing, yet he still insisted on mostly watching. So before he left for his tabletop game I exchanged info with him and then began loudly complaining that I had asked for a turn about ten minutes earlier, lol.

So eventually I get back in and I choose, ONI AKUMA! I hear someone cry out, "No you can't choose my character!" And I laugh because I know the plight of someone choosing your character when no one has played them yet for the evening, lol. I wind up beating the guy that I am playing, it seems much to the astonishment of all the guys around me. We play again and I barely manage a win, but I have to go and sit back down in the comfy lounge sofas that they have because my back is crying out in pain.

By this time I've taken a few pain killers, but to no avail... It's like I might as well have taken just, tylenol, god that dark joke will last forever for me. So while I am chilling on the sofa as a bystander, enjoying the match, watching and remembering oh you should block that, that is a high move, that is a low, and learning about new moves and characters, people eventually begin to comment on the stream and get onto to Skype and talk to us!

My friend had told me that we were going to go to a cosplay event where I was going to see a friend of mine Jarrod!! So with my Twilight Hair still... I put on my ears and horn, and twa-la, I am Twilight Sparkle! I even had the cutie mark... on my boob...


-twi pic need to load-


So several lovely commentators are talking about "the unicorn"... Cute, creepy, and then come the two young gentlemen on Skype who are obviously quite high... "Wow, who's that chick with the big boobs?"

O_O

"Excuse me?" I ask, clarifying that yes, indeed I am a person here. I am here to play, I am not some background eye candy.

"Does that bitch actually play?" the other guy asks, oh man not the thing to ask. 

I realize that my mic didn't work so this time I make sure it is working properly and I reply to them.

"Yes I play, if you had tuned in earlier you would have seen me playing a lot, but I needed to take a rest, because I have a back injury. I'll see if I can play a round in a little while here, but uh, what did you say about me?"

"Sorry about that..." I get a sheepish apology and then giggles. Of course I was not offended at all and from the first comment the entire room is laughing and by this time I begin to lose it and even the players are having trouble keeping it together because everyone is laughing so much. The next poor Skype user to tune in is completely confused as to why everyone is laughing, poor thing.

The second Skyper was a hunting aficionado who showed off some deer heads and was very happy to talk to us. And the high guys cut in and out due to poor internet connection. 

"Ugh these pain meds are messing with my playing," I complain, despite winning a round with Juri. The high guys ask what I am on, assuming, oh it is Cali, probably good weed. "Dilaudid, Norco..."

"Holy shit!" one of them exclaims, "how did you get that?!"

"I have 5 herniated discs," I reply, winning the round while talking about all this. I am very good at talking and playing. Males don't tend to be good at this. I don't know why. God I remember this one BlazBlue win streak I had going while I was talking to a girlfriend about boy troubles and it was just annoying all the male players all the more that they were losing. 

"You can't see it, but I'm in a wheelchair. I go from the stool to the couch, I can't really walk." I explain cutting into my opponent in round 2. I can tell they are slightly concerned but more annoyed that I am not seeming to take the match seriously, and still winning.... I mean I am paying attention to the match, it is just I know how to speak, derp.

The guys around me all kind of made sounds of pain at the sound of the herniated discs and when I said I had a 1cm herniation it got reaction irl around me and from the guys online, too... Unfortunately it got reaction in my back, too. Playing the new character I don't know with Juri, holding my fire ball kicks, and not timing them right, I finally lose a match and I cry out in pain and collapse on the cab table. With help I get back to the couch and I kept apologizing for some reason. Then I curled up and cried for a little while, and no one noticed thankfully...


Towards the end of the night randomly one of them said, "My friend is bleeding out, I have to go to the ER. It was nice talking to you, we might be on later, bye." Leaving most of us speechless and confused as to what could have happened in the short span of offline time...

But as the night wound down, and sadly my skills wound up!!! people left and soon we had to close up for the night. I felt that I had made friends, and perhaps found a new place to go, now that I had lost FFA forever...

So later in the week I had a doctor's appointment that brought me out to Simi Valley. I invited James out to play with me and my bestie for some fun. First game up, the new Guilty Gear... which is missing my favorite character, Baiken...

But it was fun getting to see the game some and try it out... but I had evil intentions, I will admit. My best friend also was more devious than I was as I insisted that we play the game he interrupted me giving instructions on HOW to play!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  The results were hilarious... at least to me and my best friend... James was laughing too, although he was frustrated. He had seen the previously linked Angry Video Game Nerd video review, so he knew what he was getting into...

If you are not familliar, it is an old NES, original Nintendo system, game that is renown to be one of the worst games ever... while still being playable. Dr. Jerkyll is apparently trying to get to his wedding and in the game every townsperson seems to attack him... there are ladies who run into you, men who calmly walk up to you drop a bomb and run away, and boys who shoot rocks at you! Later there are men who shoot ducks out of the sky that hit you, grave diggers who chuck rocks at you, and singers who cascades a bunch of notes that hurt you....

Oh and a bunch of crazy rabid animals attack you along with the bombs and projectiles and crazy townsfolk... so once your meter goes down too zero, you become Hyde... Then you can actually attack. Did I mention while you are Dr. Jekyll you can't attack ANYTHING at all? Except little bees that show up later on in the game of course... but you have this cane that pops out and kind of makes it look like you could attack.

So as Hyde you can actually shoot projectiles...  Actual monsters, albeit brain-foots, zombie babies, and giant mouths come and attack you, but you can attack back, refill your meter, but you have to do it before the game scrolls you to the point that you reached as Dr. Jekyll! If you reach that point without the meter, lightning strikes you dead, game over.

So James didn't remember the episode very well, so as he tried to use his cane and his health got low, and so did his meter, his cane passing through the apparently angry people, as he turned into Hyde he decided, "Okay I better not attack anything."

I was going to say something, but Allen seemed too amused for me to ruin his fun, so I held my tongue. Soon lightning struck our poor fighting game newbie and we both laughed while he was very confused. "What the hell happened?!"

"Just try again," my bestie tells him, stifling his laughs. I am beginning to think that he's more cruel than me... By the third time he dies, I finally decide he's suffered enough and explain that as Hyde you are supposed to kill the monsters, as Jekyll try to avoid everything... Just try to make it to the end. Press up and B to shoot projectiles, yes up and B of all things as Hyde! WTF!

So he manages to get like halfway through the stage and I offer to take the burden up. I nearly make it to the end. James tries again and gets about halfway again. Then he manages to beat the first level! We clap for him all happy he sort of finally got the gist of this horrible piece of crap. We're all laughing.

"I know it's horrible, but it's part of what makes it so much fun," I comment as he tries level 2. In this level birds begin to drop giant coils of dog poo... I kid you not. And like they drop them like scatter bombs. "Oh my good look at the birds dropping the dog doo!!"

James is trying to dodge dog doo, but gets hit and then knocked into a bomb that he tried to walk away from... poor thing. Lightning kills him and I take up the control again. I get further into level 2 and nearly to the end before I am struck down, "Nooooo!!!" I yell as monsters kill me.

All three of us are laughing, and I could never guess as to the storm to come. Then we decide to actually play a real game. Since he wanted to learn street fighter, we go ahead and put our copy in and fire up the PS3 and I finally get to see how well he played... And he was not as much as a newbie as he let on.

Allen, my bestie, and myself quickly began to advise him on what he could do better, and such, while I played Ken, somewhat casually. Eventually I actually went to play Juri and Oni who I will play if I feel a need to challenge an opponent more or actually play more seriously. Soon I was actually playing, not just casually letting him learn off of me.

There was a match when James and I both chose random and I had Zangief and he got Hugo, both grappler characters. The humor being that I know how to play Zangief, thanks to Mike Z- long story there-, and he sort of knew grapplers. So I was like, I am not going to seriously play, I was like, "Grab me! Grab me!!"

He kept only managing normal throws, but I encouraged him, "Well I wasn't able to get out of them, at least that is good."

But I was being a bit of a dick and if you've ever played Zangief I kept doing, heavy kick...  It has a far reach and to players who are unawares it can be very trollish to keep doing it low, normal, or high! XD

After a while, he was able to finally break through and actually punish me to essentially mashing, which was great! "Great job, you broke thru James! You got me!"

"It's a normal grab..." he replied, throwing me.

"Well you got through the trolling!" I replied laughing as I died and he won the match. So we play again and I actually begin to play for reals and then he has to switch characters but his Dudley was about an even match for my Zangief, but he was still struggling against the grabs.

"It just does so much damage," Allen commented, he's my bestie, but as he took the fightstick James had horror struck me... 

"Noooo," I whimpered fakely in fear, although I felt an asskicking coming.

I switched back to Ken and of course Allen chooses his main, Dhalsim... His stretchy limbs and fiery breath had made him a past favorite of mine back in Alpha, but I never got into him in SF4...

I manage to not embarrass myself taking a round off of him with Ken, but as we go a second match he whoops my butt 2 v 0 with his health high and proud and me grumbling. I switch to Juri, whom I prefer, and I again win the first round, but then another 2 close wins are his. Finally my back is hurting, I've been playing too seriously and I feel a stab of pain and I yelp.

"Are you okay?" Allen asked, concerned, James looks worried, too. 

"Yeah, yeah, just need a break. James, why don't you try?" I offer weakly, giving up my stick. And yes, it is my stick... Allen, my best friend, just kind of borrows it.... I am nice like that.

James fairs little better than I did. "I feel better," I chuckle about his loss. Not meaning any harm, more meaning to compliment that Allen is a superior player and me and James are better matched.

Then... we found out that James had never seen Airplane! Which was something I decided that we had to fix- immediately! As it is on Netflix... Or was on the 20th. So we began watching Airplane! and of course the following duration of the film is the three of us laughing our asses off, and eating pizza that James very, very, generously supplied.

I was kind of feeling a bit off that he showed up with a fightstick, bought us pizza... I offered to pay for the pizza, or even in part, but he declined my several offers. This I now see was a warning for the storm that was to come... partially cause I am a gamer girl... and hugely because of who and what I am.

It's cause I made him play Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

No seriously... I honestly don't know what I did, but I scored an awesome friend 8 days ago, and now James is a huge hater. I am sad that I lost such a cool friend... Well haters are gonna hate, and I will blog to let off my feelings, try to leave details to points that identities will remain safe unless people identify them---which has happened in the past--- please don't go and identify anyone. Allen has more tact, but I can think of perhaps two other people who could point out the exact identity... just don't. 

This has happened in the past, where someone that no one would have known who it was that I was talking about, but the single other person who had been present went on Facebook and linked my blog identifying the person and calling me out. This is personal, but also open. Any strangers won't know who the hells I am talking about, and that is totally fine. I hold no animosity.

more to come.

Medical Molestation? Silence Ends Here!

I figured that I would concisely write this all out, before posting much else. It has taken me weeks to work the nerve to write any of this.

At first I sort of talked about it to my best friend...


I figured that I would concisely write this all out, before I would post any videos, or release the disturbing audio of the police refusing the help me... the police actually going as far as to blame me that I had not taken proper steps immediately after the assault to cause penalties towards the doctor, or to actually receive help... despite every thing they said I should have done, I had done within 48 hours of the ER release--and I felt like crap physically and then emotionally, too.

 WARNING: there are some dark things and subjects ahead, reader discretion is advised.

At first I sort of talked about it to my best friend...

Brackets indicate things that have been added during editing. [previous unrelated conversation....]



[10/12/2014 9:34:44 AM] Neptune Fallen: OKAY Maria Sr [the mother of the father of the family I am renting a room from- she has taken residence up in our living room for the last month ugh], she kind of like speaks to me in Spanish expecting me to understand, but she is nice I guess.... sort of...

[10/12/2014 9:35:59 AM] Neptune Fallen: She is a total bitch in other regards. She is not accepting of gays or a lot of other things, and she treats people really mean. She was guilting Tony [the dad of the family I live with] for not helping her with things because he had work, like "Oh why wouldn't you help me? My nephew did (who has no job) why can't you?"

[10/12/2014 9:36:24 AM] Neptune Fallen: So when she came here I saw a lot of her bitchy behavior. But she's been nice to me.

[10/12/2014 9:36:29 AM] Neptune Fallen:  Kind of like M***.

[10/12/2014 9:36:46 AM] Best Friend: Watch how people treat others to get a good gauge of them

[10/12/2014 9:36:53 AM] Best Friend: You can't just look at how they treat you

[10/12/2014 9:37:00 AM] Neptune Fallen: So like 30 min ago, I went to get some water----she treats **** the WORST [person who is step child to the father in the house.]

[10/12/2014 9:37:15 AM] Best Friend: If they're undeservedly mean to them, then they have the capacity to be undeservedly mean to you.

[10/12/2014 9:37:22 AM] Neptune Fallen: And she was on the phone talking to people, family I think from the way they were talking.

[10/12/2014 9:39:01 AM] Neptune Fallen: And I had 3 [empty water] bottles, I went to fill up the first one, and after I was like 90% done, like a shot in my back it hit and I let out a gasp. My legs went out, I couldn't stand, they wouldn't support so much weight, and I grasped at the fridge as I tried to support as much weight as I could, but that wasn't much, as I went to the floor.

[10/12/2014 9:39:50 AM] Neptune Fallen: Finally in pain, I was lying on the floor, trying not to cry out in pain, hoping that she wouldn't notice. I kept glacing over, but she seemed absorbed in her conversation, looking the other way. I had fallen down pretty quietly. [I purposely bit back noises of pain, and sliding to the floor hoping that she wouldn't notice what was happening.]

[10/12/2014 9:39:58 AM] Neptune Fallen: It took a lot of effort.

[10/12/2014 9:40:50 AM] Neptune Fallen: So finally when I glace [back] over [in her direction] I noticed she was glancing my way, still on the phone, speaking in Spanish to people, still sounded like friends or something, and finally she gets off and tries to get me up.

[10/12/2014 9:40:58 AM] Neptune Fallen: I say no, no no... [trying to wave her away.]

[10/12/2014 9:41:41 AM] Neptune Fallen: She keeps trying to grab my arm to get me up, but I shake my head, I can't... Then I say "my walker", and make a gesture. and she understood. She'd seen me with it yesterday.

[10/12/2014 9:41:58 AM] Neptune Fallen: So she goes and grabs it, and she helps me up, actually grabbing my arm and helping me up.

[10/12/2014 9:43:04 AM] Neptune Fallen: The second person in the house, next to A*****, to actually help me like this, but she was more honest and concerned. She spoke words of comfort and urging as I cried out in pain and tried to get to my room. She helped to push my walker along.

[10/12/2014 9:43:44 AM] Best Friend: That's nice of her

[10/12/2014 9:43:57 AM] Neptune Fallen: So I get to my room, let the walker go to grab onto things to crawl into my bed and she stands there for a minute before I say thanks and give her a thumbs up, despite panting and whimpering.

[10/12/2014 9:44:21 AM] Neptune Fallen: She then shows up with the bottle I'd filled and she watches as I down like 8 pills. [Yes, all at once...]

[10/12/2014 9:44:26 AM] Neptune Fallen: I know.

[10/12/2014 9:44:49 AM] Neptune Fallen: Then she leaves before I can try to ask about the other two bottles... which I feel bad asking for, lol.

[10/12/2014 9:45:11 AM] Neptune Fallen: And she is knocking on K's door, and then K shows up at my door and says, "What happened?"

[10/12/2014 9:45:57 AM] Neptune Fallen: "Oh, I just fell at the fridge trying to get water," I say, like it is nothing, which I feel it is. I fall all the time. I fell twice yesterday!

[10/12/2014 9:46:13 AM] Neptune Fallen: "Well the ambulance is on its way." [K says, and I am thinking immediately ........shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit...."

[10/12/2014 9:46:38 AM] Neptune Fallen: "You called an ambulance? Oh fuck!" I reply before I can think. [Because before I thought about, am I hurt? Why did I fall? Do I need other meds? I hear ambulance and equate that to "oh fuck", and it usually comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.]

[10/12/2014 9:47:14 AM] Neptune Fallen: "I didn't mean to say that... I'm sorry... oh god... just... ugh," and like seconds later she moved out of the way cause there was a paramedic [already who had arrived and was in the hallway. Maria Sr. must have called 911 before she helped me up, and they were en route as I tried to get to my bed, but I don't know Spanish so I couldn't stop her and say- Yo I don't need paramedics.]

[10/12/2014 9:47:46 AM] Best Friend: >.<

[10/12/2014 9:47:53 AM] Neptune Fallen: "What happened?" [The paramedic who first approaches my bed asks,] and I had to explain everything. According to what he had [heard], I fell, was unconscious at the fridge, and he was urging me to go to the hospital.

[10/12/2014 9:48:31 AM] Neptune Fallen: And I was like," no, I have chronic pain and back issues, I see Dr. Herman at VCMC, I am waiting to see a specialist in L.A. I know like all the ER doctors at VCMC, they'd be annoyed to see me."

[10/12/2014 9:48:58 AM] Neptune Fallen: "Well you shouldn't not go to the ER because you are afraid to upset the doctors," he said.

[10/12/2014 9:49:40 AM] Neptune Fallen: And I facepalm, "Well like I've been told like I shouldn't come back." He asks normal questions, anything new, did I hit my head, [lose consciousness, nausea, feeling in limbs- which I normally have issues with lack of feelings] etc etc.

[10/12/2014 9:50:00 AM] Neptune Fallen: Again [he] urges me to come with them to the ER.

[10/12/2014 9:50:43 AM] Best Friend: If you went to the ER everytime you fell you'd be at the ER more than you're at home

[10/12/2014 9:51:47 AM] Neptune Fallen: I am like "This happens a lot, like all the time. She is new to living here, and she doesn't speak English so I couldn't explain that to her." 

So I sign a release that I am ignoring medical advice, and I also asked about my room, and he said that it could be cleaner but it's not like condemnable like Tony's mother's house way (which is what Tony was worried about), so after they left I picked up.

[10/12/2014 9:52:19 AM] Neptune Fallen: I also told them that I kind of need things near my bed to GET into my bed cause I fall and need to lift myself into it a lot.

[10/12/2014 9:52:34 AM] Neptune Fallen: and ROFL at your comment, esp at how long they take to see people. [VCMC takes hours to see people at their ER.]

[10/12/2014 9:53:51 AM] Neptune Fallen: So they left finally, and I was alone, I thanked Maria, knowing her intention was good, and she helped me a lot with the walker and getting to my bed. Christie I was able to ask her to fill my other water bottles, and then finally I explained this to you.

[10/12/2014 10:13:08 AM] Neptune Fallen: I might fall asleep cause I took so much pain medication




So sometimes I get pulled into the ER without mine wanting to be...  I wanted to talk about what had happened when I went to the ER recently, but it was just easier to talk about the mishap with the paramedics. I grabbed my My Little Pony Princess Cadance plushie and cried.
So when you are left helpless, scared, alone, weak, and you cannot do anything, what are you supposed to do? I've called paramedics for myself on occasion, the following are excerpts of a conversation with a best friend of mine since 2006, and his wife has also suffered horrors in the in the hospital and health care system.


11/30/14 8:37PM begin conversation


Neptune Fallen to Bird:
So when I went to see the big name surgeon in downtown Los Anegels I had to go and get my medical records from one hospital, and I was like okay.... I got all set and psyched to get this done, I sat down and asked well how much would it be for the last, say, maybe 6 months? I had over 13 hospitalizations, and it was well over 100 pages of notes. So I was kind of stunned that I didn't really register being admitted and staying that many nights in the hospital that much in the past few months. So I suggested perhaps, maybe 6 months? It went down to perhaps 70 pages... So I just requested information on the last few hospitalizations that specifically regarded my back.

I am actually overdue for a stay it seems! [after I had this conversation I have been admitted to the hospital overnight once, and gone to the E.R. six times on three different occasions.] So, have I gotten worse than your birdy? I am so lmao right now. I've gotten so pathetic rofl.

Bird to Neptune Fallen:
My birdy has her own set of issues right now >.<

Neptune Fallen:
Oh no, what's been going on now?

Bird: 
Nah, you need to have a lot of strength to deal with all you have.

Neptune Fallen: 
It is just so funny because people think I exaggerate when I say I have NO idea how many times, or much, I am in the hospital, I just know that it is "a lot".

Bird: 
And we dunno,a while ago she got sick with something like the flu, and now she has a lot of problems thinking. Gets headaches, stutters and cant think of words. other day she couldn't understand the words i was saying

Neptune Fallen: 
omg... that's not good... I was having issues like that for a while, but it was related to my seizures--- Still trying to get that resolved.

Bird: 
Yeah, not sure what is going on. she doesn't have insurance, so hasn't seen anyone. she forgets a lot, gets confused easy. will get dizzy randomly..

Neptune Fallen: 
That sounds like something neurological. I mean, I don't technically have insurance, but I see doctors all the time. I have medicaid which is a state-paid program until I can get medicare which is the federal program recognized that I am perma-disabled.

She doesn't have medicaid?? or a county-run program? With Obama-care she should qualify for medicaid, it is pretty easy now. It used to be like, you had to have a kid.
If not, maybe you need to look to move to another state where she can get care...

Bird: 
She got rejected. Couldn't prove she didn't have a job, and now she's just scared of what it might be, so won't reapply.

Neptune Fallen: 
But I was having [oh and am still having!] headaches, issues with my sight, dizziness, lightheadedness, feeling that I was falling, trouble speaking, trouble comprehending, and seizing, and I have a lovely, er have a couple lovely cysts in my brain, too though...

She has to reapply. [I had to, several times. I reapplied for food stamps yesterday again. The worker I have has gotten used to me to the point he was sort of blank expression-ed that somehow the feds changed my address from 16 to 15 so I was not notified of the cancellation of my food until the date came to get it, and the food money wasn't there.]

Bird: 
She won't. [It can take hours to apply each time, often workers can be rude and course, and it is very inducing of anxiety. I know from experience.]

Neptune Fallen: 
You can only reapply insisting that you don't have a job. Esp with such serious symptoms she could be seen at an ER ASAP to be honest...

Bird: 
a lot of those symptoms she has. and trouble breathing too... she wont go :(
I know. and she'll just freak out.
yeah, its hard

Neptune Fallen: 
It's why I am not on SSI yet; it's scary and hard.
But basic health care like the ER? There have been a handful of times in the past couple years that my life was saved by me going to the hospital...
 ...more than a handful or severely hampering my health

Bird: 
Yeah, but she will refuse. last time she went to the hospital they nearly killed her.

Neptune Fallen: 
How?

Bird: 
left her with a broken hip sitting in the waiting room of the ER for 7 hours.

Neptune Fallen:
She wasn't seen as a priority?

Bird: 
Guess not, doctor seemed to think she was faking it until he saw an xray.

Neptune Fallen: 
I mean, I've been to a shit hospital, too.... so I know my risks, but I've learned I have to speak up sometimes, like when I needed my gallbladder removed ASAP. But what happened, actually I could see it being believable. When I needed my gallbladder removed I had to go to a different hospital to get surgery for removal because it was so urgent. I had already been in hospitalized at VCMC for like a week previously a couple days previously and they said it was just stomach upset! 
They began to ignore me, Sib began getting their attention saying that a doctor had said I needed surgery immediately...He harassed them. But it was the right thing-it got the job done.
I was screaming in pain, and the thing nearly burst infectious puss all into my body. They got it out like a few hours within due time.

Bird:
That sucks: :( I don't trust then at all either anymore. And the damage is done with her. She keeps saying she'd rather die than go to a hospital again..

Neptune Fallen: 
I've been there... feeling like that. VCMC is like that.The ER can be worse than home, why do you think I haven't gone yet? [At this point in time I was having seizures several times a day, many were knocking me unconscious] It services so many people, so many uninsured like me, that the wait is usually several hours until you see a doctor.

Bird: 
Ugh

Neptune Fallen: 
Yeah, I've traveled hours away to be seen at other ERs Maybe you need a different hospital. [I wound up going again to Santa Paula to fix the seizures.]
I would bet you that is 90% the problem. It pains me to know that all of that is going on.  ...last time I went to the nearest ER the doctor finger fucked my ass with unnecessary force.. [This was the first time I mentioned it, I tried to down play it humorously...]

Bird: 
wtf!?

Neptune Fallen: 
Maybe sexual thrill? letting off steam? getting off on making me cry? I dunno
he fingered my ass...
with more than one finger... 

Bird: 
why?

Neptune Fallen:
a rectal exam may be professional with one single gloved finger
...like single finger one insertion, but he didn't do that, and it wasn't gentle [the link shows 2 fingers lubing, 1 inserting]. I have no idea.
I'd blocked it from my head until now actually.

Bird: 
why were you getting a rectal exam anyway? was it even necessary?

Neptune Fallen: 
It could have been [Usually it might be done if there is NO history to suggest back injury, but I have a long history and even a scar showing that I have had spinal surgery, and the paramedics came and I had no joint reflex, and couldn't get up!], but he really thought that I was faking my back pain and leg weakness.
I collapsed in my house, my legs gave out, and I couldn't walk, so that was why I called 911
He though I was trying to score pain meds I think.

The nurse was a bitch, too, she didn't believe that I hadn't taken my pain meds since the night before, so when he came in, looked over my chart skeptically, glanced at me and was like, "So you're in severe pain, let's give you Tylenol."

I replied, "I have my pain medicines with me, I just didn't take them because I didn't want to contraindicate anything from here... can't I take something that might actually help me?"

He said, "No. Don't take any of your meds, the Tylenol will help. Then we'll give you an MRI." Then he smirked at me, like the MRI would show that my back was perfectly fine.

By this time I had been crying and screaming out in pain for over 30 minutes, biting into my hoodie to try to muffle my cries, and the nurse came with the Tylenol and I reluctantly took it because it was such a high dose it is bad for the liver. I asked if I could have more water and she rudely replied, "NO". I waited over 2 hours for the MRI, and for one of those hours I was crying and shivering and asking everyone who passed my room for a blanket.

One really kind male nurse kinda went omg, here lemme get you blankets! I thanked him so much, so the second hour I wasn't as cold, but the pain was still there. Tylenol of course didn't help my nerve pain, so I was screaming and pissing off the staff. So I spit-took some of my own pain pills hoping to stem my pain and stop upsetting the staff that already thought I was faking and with every cry I was pissing off more and more.

I was able to use the phone and could talk to people thankfully. I was not crying alone. That helped me a lot after being assaulted, like, maybe I couldn't be assaulted as long as that phone was there. Then suddenly after hours and shivering and crying, someone came and told me it was time for the MRI.

The tech helped me into the wheelchair. He seemed to treat me as if I may or may not actually be hurt. During the MRI I was screaming like hell though. MRI's without good painkillers for me are the worst. For lumbar spinal, lower back, MRI's you have to lie on your back on the table, straight and be still.

That position is one of the most painful positions for me to be in for a period of time, after 5 minutes the pain from my spine flares into all areas of my back and legs. I was screaming so much that I made my throat very hoarse. The poor tech kept asking if I needed to stop, but I said, "No, we can keep going." Because I knew it needed to be done; if only to just show my attacker that I actually was not faking, oh and the bitch nurse. I hadn't screamed that much since I got epidurals, lol.

So after the MRI I nearly passed out trying to get into the wheelchair. The poor tech had to give me a paper towel for me to wipe the tears and snot on my face, lol. I was wheeled back, helped back onto the cot in the ER room, and I lied down on my left side, most comfortable position, and got immediate relief. 10/10 down to like 8.7/10 pain, lol. I was still crying and biting my hand to the point it was bruising.

Bird: 
What a fucker

Neptune Fallen:
Within 10 minutes the bitch nurse came in, but she didn't have that hard look on her face and she proffered pills at me with water. I looked at her like, wtf is that?

"Here." she said, expecting me to just take the medicine without knowing what it was. I mean I have fucking medicine allergies! I also am on other medicines, I am not gonna take strange pills I don't recognize!

"Sorry, what are those?"

"Dilaudid and Zofran," she stated, her voice wasn't harsh, it actually had a bit of sympathy in it. I was in so much pain I took the pills and water and downed the. Dilaudid is the hardest Narcotic I take for pain, it can be up to 7.5 times stronger than morphine, and Zofran is popular anti-nausea medication. [A doctor recently told me that the molecules that make up Dilaudid is just slightly different than heroin... O_O ]

After 30 minutes the nurse returned with the doctor in tow and the doctor didn't have that same sadistic look on his face from earlier. I mean, when he first saw me, he had been cold, stonewall, and rude, suddenly he was like sympathetic and concerned. He asked what had happened to me that caused my back to be so bad, while the nurse began to put an IV into me. I asked what was going on with the IV.

"You're still crying out in pain, we're going to give you IV Dilaudid," the doctor said. The doctor who assaulted me, thought I was trying to score narcotics by faking an injury, and gave me Tylenol after I had already explained what had happened to my back was finally giving me something for my pain that would be help to me, hours after I arrived.

"Well, as I already said, I had spinal surgery already. I have spinal stenosis [narrowing of the spinal column that causes pressure on the spinal cord, narrowing the openings where the nerves leave the spinal column; associated with pain and other symptoms.], spondylothesis [forward displacement of a vertebra over a lower segment; a condition in which the vertebra in the spine slips out of the proper position onto the bone below it.], and radiculopathy [pain in the low back that radiates out from the spine and out into the legs (sciatica)] that's going down my legs really bad. I was home alone and I just couldn't handle the pain, and I was trying to go the bathroom, but my legs gave out on me all of a sudden, it happens sometimes, but usually if I've been walking or something, not if I've been lying down." I explained everything, again, and he was nodding, looking at me with understanding, and he actually seemed like he actually cared. I was holding back the tears as I suddenly felt the Dilaudid flood into my body. I felt Heady, and I clutched the Cadance My Little Pony that was in my pocket tightly. Why was he being so nice all of a sudden?! This time I guess he listened and believe me though.

He said that I should see my nuero-surgeon again... despite that I'd been written off by my surgeon and the doctors at the University of Southern California. He also recommended pain management, which often involved narcotics. The doctor who thought I was after narcotics was saying I should seek out narcotics. Things were hazy and he left the room, I relaxed and I began to try to decipher what to do next, what had happened...

Bird:
They thought my little bird was a drug addict, too.

Neptune Fallen:
It happened to me a lot. I look young, I am in my 20s... well sort of, if I run into a doctor I know, lol, like at VCMC the doctors may KNOW me now I go so often! /facepalm. But, if I have Sib with me, I never have been assaulted.

Bird:
That's probably a good thing... Are you okay? That sounds like it was horrible. (the finger fucking, I mean.)

Neptune Fallen: 
It's only been when I've been alone that I have been assaulted like that.
No, not really...
It was almost as bad as this female nurse who essentially used an object to vaginally rape me. [link to what should have been done.]

Bird: 
Oh? what happened?

Neptune Fallen: 
That hurt worse, cause she was just sick and MFing twisted as hell.
She used an ultrasound unit, which is a rather large instrument to be inserted, penetrating a lot more than was needed. I can read ultrasounds now. She saw what she needed after a few seconds... she took minutes... over 20 min....

She didn't any lube either
There was blood all over afterwards...
sorry I mean enough lube, she used like maybe a 1/5 of what was needed.

Bird: 
What a fucking bitch. hope you reported her too. -hugs- I can't believe how often shit like this seems to happen to you. Makes me even less trusting of taking my birdy to a hospital

Neptune Fallen: 
Every time I would whimper or cry she would like press harder or further in.
I did omfg... I did report her.
Just stay with her if you go to the hospital. I mean I have issues involving my bladder and bowel, and my legs, so that's why my pants come off so often.
Checking rectal tone, by putting a finger that is lubed gently inside the rectum and having someone squeeze down is actually something I am used to. 90% of the time it is not even uncomfortable... (possibly because I barely can feel it... which is a wonder what that doctor did, cause he managed a lot of pain when I didn't have many nerves functioning lol.)

50% of the time I can't squeeze the finger. Which isn't good.

Bird: 
:( no... I'm sorry you have to deal with so many sick perverted doctors too. My birdy would never be able to cope with something as horrible as that anywhere near as well as you do. hope they both got fired...

Neptune Fallen: 
Well the finger thing is a more normal protocol regarding spinal cord injuries.
It actually is a medical test to check to see if things are working.
That doctor is just.... I have no idea
He thought I was faking, it's why he gave me Tylenol, and told me not to take my own pain meds despite how much I was screaming, crying, and the obvious (to him, I guess fake) pain I was in.... Or he assumed that I was already doped up on the meds.

I mean I said I hadn't taken my pain meds, I asked, nearly begged, if I could take them now, he said no, I could have Tylenol, and he insisted that it would stem ALL my pain!
After the MRI they brought me a hydromorphone (Dilaudid) and then gave me more Dilaudid in an IV. No other doctor has ever given me as much pain medicine as he did, I mean in that short of time. I got so high my speech became slurred. I was so alarmed I asked the nurse what was wrong with me and she laughed at me. She was all like, "You just got so much Dilaudid that's what's wrong with you." As if I should know what's wrong cause I probably doped up all the time or something.


And the ultrasound thing she was a nurse, she probably lost her job.
Oh heh, I can get WoW General chat to stop talking about rape by saying "giving a bj is more fun than having it shoved in somewhere"
Lol.

Bird: 
Hope so, before she hurt anyone else. Birdy still isn't okay with any intimacy with me, something like that would just destroy her...

lol! that stopped them?

Neptune Fallen: 
It did. That is how you stop the trolls. I never would have guessed! I was tired of seeing the rape talk. It stopped the entire chat actually. I think they might have been like omg irl girl! or omg gay guy! Probably the first. Or think I am a GM with a dark sense of humor

So, I've gotten more comfortable with my body ever since the time in the ER Sib was holding my hand and 3 nurses were putting a catheter in my urethra and 2 other nurses popped inside to ask a few questions. So 3 men and 2 women were all looking at my nether region, and Sib was still holding my hand, and I just bust out laughing as a passing doctor stopped by to ask something of the goddamn nurse who was up in my stuff, too

It isn't sexual... at all. All of them, it was professional.
We make it sexual. That nurse and doctor I mean, I think THEY made it sexual....
Or at the very least highly inappropriate. A butt is for pooping. There's probably over a hundred people who have seen my vagina.
Maybe hundreds by now, I dunno how many times I've been in the hospital! I've been cath'd a lot. It usually takes 2-3 nurses to try, fail then succeed. >_>

Bird: 
Yeah, they cath'd her when she broke her hip. bugged the hell out of her and she was drugged and in shock at the time. All she really cared about the entire time she was there is getting them to take it out. And they threatened her, telling her she would die without it before she would even let them

Neptune Fallen: 
That wasn't necessarily a threat with a broken hip.Her bladder could easily overfill and her kidneys begin to shut down, which... leads to dying... If you have to stay in bed and can't do much moving, or have impairedness in feeling of the urological system or control it actually can be a life or death thing.

I've been to the ER JUST to get a cath, to prevent organ damage, cause for a while I couldn't release the pee, my bladder would get distended and I would have the urge to go, for hours, and it would just sit there. Urine putting pressure, harming my kidneys, at first I hated it, but when you haven't urinated for over a day, omfg.... a catheter, I don't care if there are 1000 people watching .