Medicine and War

Anxiety...

I feel like I am being crushed from the inside out, somehow. I know it makes no sense, but that is how it feels. My breath is catching in my throat and chest, every single one... My body feels heavy. Seconds drag into what feels like minutes, and my heart is desperately racing...

I've been in the hospital recently, so I have home health care services that have been coming to my home, which has been a huge stress factor to me. Physical therapy and a nurse checking on me, giving me things to do, until I am fit to actively leave my house to seek services. One golden thing that I had been desperately clinging to was that while I had been in the hospital, the doctor who had previously done surgery on my back, and is the head of nuerosurgery approached me while I was there and we had a conversation.

"We'll get this figured out," he told me with a kind smile. It seemed genuine.

"What do you mean... like surgery or treatment?" I asked for clarification. In the past he had been against surgery until I had absolutely needed it.

"Probably with medication or some other therapy right now. I'm consulting with a medicine specialist right now, I'll see you again tomorrow." He explained to me, but the next day I was discharged. When I asked if the doctor had made any appointments for me, or notes, or anything, the nurse was very annoyed and began to tell me that while I had been in the hospital that they gave me "the same pain medications that you receive while you're at home". She thought I was some junkie or something looking for a fix I suppose... But I wanted to find out more about the meeting that never happened.

Eventually it got to the point where she was offering me "what medicine do you want, so you will leave?" Not only was I personally offended, I was shocked at her lack of professional conduct... So I wrote it off that I wouldn't get any help and left... after politely explaining for the 20th time that I had spoken to the doctor and had just wanted to know about the mysterious course of treatment he had mentioned the night before, but like whatever.

A couple days later I got a call from his office, scheduling an appointment though... very soon. Within a couple weeks, when it often can take months to be seen there! So I was surprised, but happy. They didn't see what it was about though, but when they called to cancel it yesterday they saw it was only to check in because I was in the hospital under his care.......................... a completely pointless appointment. Completely pointless meetings with people who just agitate my back pain and make me feel worse emotionally.

I feel like I want to just find a really nice blade and slice my throat and bleed out somewhere, but I know I don't have a sharp enough blade that could cut deeply enough before I would wimp out.... I saw a psychiatrist, and she was an idiot, too. I knew more about medicine than she did. What is becoming of our medical personnel?

She broke down and began arguing with me and calling me names, like.... someone in middle school would do... it was... sad. I have only seen a couple other grown women do that, my step mother, and ghetto women. I would never have guessed I would ever see a PSYCHIATRIST do that... Because she doesn't know prescribing laws... I mean, just because she is ignorant, doesn't mean that it's my fault lol.

Finally to top everything off, last night on the news Russia is stirring things up in Syria... and NOW the redneck Mexican family I live with cares... NOW the news cares... oh but then a few minutes ago there was another shooting in a college, and that is more important news than impending world war. I mean, yes students dying is terrible... but.... world news affects so many more people.

Finding A Voice

I remember when I was very small that on the local news, it would actually show... well news.

Last night I endured about an hour of frivolous stories, and a few stories that were somewhat emotional, before hearing about things that are affecting thousands right now, and soon may affect millions. I am sorry that six hikers died because of a flash flood, and a toddler was killed, but I would much rather here more pressing matters about thousands of refugees fleeing Syria who are being starved and abused because Germany followed through with their threat to carry the quota of refugees allowed to their borders, and no one will take these poor people. What is more scary is that it seems no one is concerned that Russia has military presence in Syria, a country we are fighting a war in currently, and not long ago Russia was doing reconnaissance missions along the West Coast... But hearing about how cats and dogs need homes, and the best places to dine for the Emmy's is much more important to hear about.

Making matters worse is that I live with a house of very ignorant and racist people. It is ironic how much they are willing to bash on Obama but happily take benefits that he brought in with many of  his policies that he introduced. Not to step on toes, but they are typical "LA Republicans" except they are Mexican instead of hailing from mixed European descent. I'm impressed how quickly LA Republicanism is catching fire.

L.A. republicans like to pretend that they are smart, but they are usually quite uneducated. They will ask questions in answer to questions, instead of supplying a good answer. They will argue using the same "fact" reworded again and again. They also see the Bible as law, and usually as literal history, EXCEPT when it interferes with what they want or like... like shellfish, polyester blended clothing, eating pork...

So I saw an actually good, but very racist, caricature of Obama as a black-monkey person in the living room, and I was of course like, wow... yeah.. This family hates black people. They pretty much equate all black men to being criminals. I bet I could bring Neil DeGrasse Tyson into this house and they'd be ready to grab the wood baseball bat that is in the living room.

On the news was the whole debacle over Planned Parenthood and the supposed selling of fetal tissue to people or companies and the majority red-neck House decided to either defund PP or "stop government," according to the news. So it left Obama 14 days to decide. I immediately exclaimed that it was horrible...

Thinking about 3 million reported patients that they have a year, and the king of the hill of further south redneck's immediately replied, "I know, murdering all those babies..."

So again without thinking I replied, "No, those poor women. They barely do abortions compared to the STD and prenatal care they offer! I've taken so many girlfriends there for help. I don't condone abortions, so I'd never help with that, but I was surprised when I learned they do way more." And I should know. I worked in a pharmacy for years. Do you have any idea how many prescriptions for things like condoms or birth control come from clinics associated with PP?

I could tell I steamed him up, so I decided to look it up and found, "Only 3% of their services are abortions... if it's a problem stop the abortions, but continue prenatal care...." I again pleaded my case for all those places to stay open.

Later in the night I actually looked into the issue further, and the fetal tissue was possibly being given to a company illegally, without their knowledge, so they could treat people with cancer and other serious health issues... But the kicker to me was when I looked up the exact laws about abortion and federal funding........there is NONE.

Abortions cannot be funded by the government.

So closing every planned parenthood that exists would do nothing about the abortion problem, because girls aren't getting government aid to get them there! Women are getting government aid to have healthy babies at Planned Parenthood, or men and women are preventing STDs. All of the ignorant idiots in government and around the USA haven't even bothered to Google basic laws of how abortion works, and therefore are probably going to cause more baby deaths than ever because 3 million patients will lose clinic care for natal and sexual care. Good job America!

I recently did a stint in the hospital, too... which... god.. I can't even get into that now..


I was very jostled around, and eventually it all left me with a discharge and somehow over medicated and yet my pain not managed. I've been trying to speak up the whole time I was there, but I cannot help but wonder, is there anyone to hear me?