So I used to blog more frequently, but I stopped blogging pretty much all together as time went on due to assorted reasons. One of the largest reasons was my private personal life colliding with my entire social life which threw me into such a depression that I had great difficulty trying to get out of it.
My bi-polar has been ill-managed over the last year, and I have had issues with keeping my medication steadily refilled and issues with anxiety and great life burdens. Some of the largest issues I faced was when I tweet I made in a heat of the moment I saw in a video of Thunderf00t's videos where I had confronted Melody Hensley on Twitter where she had claimed that she had suffered PTSD from Twitter, and her Twitter PTSD was just as severe and painful as PTSD from any other cause or reason. (Each link offers an example of what is mentioned, twitter ptsd explained and other causes and reasons for post traumatic stress disorder which might be a little worse than online bullying- and I didn't even link anything about rape.)
My tweet had actually been made when I saw her tweet in another youtube video, but Melody had been and is old news in the community of atheism, feminism, and just being stupid online.
Here is the original post that I replied to and the three original replies that she decided to make.
Oh and then
And finally
I did make a reply after she didn't actually block me, that if you survived rape, molestation, and sexual abuse and that did not give you PTSD but TWITTER did, you are very messed up in the head and should seek immediate psychiatric help. But, regardless, seeing this on a pretty well-known youtuber's video surprised. While watching it my best friend was like, "hey... that sort of looks like..." And then I had to confirm that yes, that was indeed me, and my reply.
During this whole fiasco I was also dealing with facing homelessness. And for a period of a several weeks I was homeless. I am right now not actually securely homed, where I live is precarious because of how my rent is being paid, and because of all of this is makes my life very difficult.
On top of all of this, a while back ago a friend took me out to karaoke and after I used the restroom I felt something shift in my spine, something dramatically shift. I sat in my wheelchair and two hours later I noticed that I couldn't feel or move my legs at all and I had no reflex function in either knees. For those who don't know about me or about spinal injuries let me explain.
This blog is that I am slightly disabled. I deal with depression, bipolar, and anxiety but I also suffer from spinal issues that are very severe, and have been getting worse. Here is a post on how I became disabled. I also carry on two blogs, one more personal and one more focusing on my disability and trying to make points. Now in my life, I am more than slightly disabled though, I am fully disabled. I cannot leave the house to complete any sort of real task without my wheelchair, unless of course I plan to stay in the car. Incontinence has become a big issue that I am struggling with, but now it is both urinary and renal. My depression and anxiety has made it so that I struggle to even complete basic things of filling out forms or paperwork that I need to do, and to set out to do chores that I need to do, or even find the will to eat when and if I feel well enough to eat.
Spinal Injury complications:
I've lost a lot of weight from simply not eating because of the severe pain that I have been suffering. When it means leaving my bed to prepare food, the pain makes the idea of just not eating more ideal. My injury has gone back to where it was before surgery last year, and I need surgery again. A disc is herniated out a centimeter again, and constant sciatic, or properly radiculopathy, pain eats at me. I also now suffer phlebitis that hurts even more, which makes me not want to get on my feet for food even more. I actually have a total of five herniated discs... I'm waiting for insurance to approve a CT scan of my back so I can have a consultation with Dr. Herman who performed my previous surgery which helped until the people from Hellmont ignored the orders that I was to used a walker or cane for at least five weeks from the surgery date, and it cause it to not heal correctly.
So yeah, pain that is constant in my back and legs, it gets worse sometimes. I have to take Norco, Tramadol, Dilaudid, baclofen, Valium, and it still sometimes leaves me in agony... This makes people I know uncomfortable because I'll be sobbing in pain and there is literally nothing that could be done. Going to the hospital, they would just give me a shot of Dilaudid, and that would ease me for 8 hours... Also I have a single doctor who prescribes me pain medication, and I have a contract regarding it, and a single pharmacy that I go to. Pain medication should be taken with caution especially if you are taking more than one. I worked as a pharmacy technician for many years, and I am also well read into every single medication that I take.
The pain I suffer makes sitting up difficult, so when I heard about the Warlords of Draenor street reveal event in L.A. I was like OMFG I WANNA GO..... but there is no way in hell that I would be able to camp out very well, and also I would for sure have to use my wheelchair. So I called the venue that was hosting the event and reached the manager for the theatre and she told me that I should show up at 8AM, 30min before the doors open, and could be seated then, and if I had any problems to speak to her. It was after I had explained that I was in a wheelchair and that I couldn't sit up straight for very long without high dosing of opiates. So I was able to go, without being drugged out of my mind.
Here I am in the 3rd row waiting for the event to start. There is another person in a wheel chair in front of me. I am wearing my locked chest WoW shirt. I was soooo hyped to be there.
Everything was bathes in blue, and everyone, well except for me, was abuzz. No one really spoke to me unless I made a very strong effort to speak to them unfortunately.... But it was still awesome!
Seeing the intro cinematic I was in awe and amazed by it and just so psyched for the expansion. Then getting the beta key and trying it out some was awesome, except it is lonesome on the beta because you cannot talk to any friends, you have to add people on the beta for friends. Because WoW is my only social outlet for the most part it's kind of a toss up playing between MoP and WoD.
Robin Williams's passing away touched me deeply because he was a bipolar actor, and I am a writer, actress, artist, and I have struggled with suicide myself. He left before he could release all of his art into the world, and now I feel like I really need to release more of my creation into the world... So I am going to try to keep blogging, and try to write, act, and post my art.
Here are some more pictures from the WoD event:
Someone actually took a photo of this little sign... seriously...
AND after I dropped several pens and went to pick them up, my sketchbook fell and who turns around at THAT moment and sees some girl in a wheelchair and then moves to help pick up said items? Of course only Chris Metzen! Nice nice nice guy... shame he's married. j/k
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