The following is from September 2016:
So while feminazis are raging about wage-gaps that don't exist and others are complaining about how only black lives matter (which I know a lot of people argue that the movement is about everyone's lives mattering, MANY leaders in the movement have stated that other races do NOT matter---so.. yeah) um, disabled people are still left with the short end of the stick here. The minimum wage in California is going up substantially, but disability is not budging.
So while feminazis are raging about wage-gaps that don't exist and others are complaining about how only black lives matter (which I know a lot of people argue that the movement is about everyone's lives mattering, MANY leaders in the movement have stated that other races do NOT matter---so.. yeah) um, disabled people are still left with the short end of the stick here. The minimum wage in California is going up substantially, but disability is not budging.
An asshole manager man of an apartment was hating on disabled peoples. I wouldn't be surprised if he was sexist and racist, too, though. I ran across him looking for apartments back in September.
I cannot even begin to explain how much of a douche this man was to me. I wanted to ask a single question that was super basic before ANYTHING else. It was a make or break question of any apartment I am looking for. Why? What is it? Well, it is because I am slightly disabled. I wanted to know if the place was on the ground floor, or if an upper floor and had an elevator. [Where I am now is on an upper floor, with an elevator.]
Before I could even say, "Well, I just have a quick question--" I was cut off by this man saying that he was having an open house Friday. I said that I might be able to attend if it was during the right time, but I just had a quick question.... still....
But again, he interrupted me and began to pepper me with questions, and I still didn't find out if I could WALK or crawl or wheel into this place!! OMG!!! He asked about the number of people moving in, which I felt slightly offended, as if I were going to try to secret in a small army. He then stopped me before I could again, TRY, to ask my question. Well- what is my credit score.
I don't know my credit score. I'm in my 20s and I've never had a credit card. I've had no need for one. My friend has one and he pays it off every month. I've had medical bills, but I've never had any other issues. I mean... wtf. Then he was like, how much do you make a month? I mean... I am not applying for this place over the phone, I was just trying to get information...
I told him the truth, I told him that I was not sure, but we had plenty for the rent and bills, and we were expecting the deposit to be well over $3000, which we have ready. I am disabled, so I personally am on permanent steady income. Instead he began to take on an even crueler tone and say that I had nothing prepared and they only wanted "seeeeeerious" people to come to the open house. As a reminder I still wasn't sure if I even wanted to go to this place cause was it ground floor or upper with an elevator?!
Rolling my eyes and shaking my head I told him that in L.A. it was a little silly to expect someone to have income three times the rent the so they can "afford" to pay rent. Then he replied that he didn't want "lookey loos" there on Friday. I face palmed and, angry at him, said, "Well, your apartment wasn't a very nice looking one anyway. Thanks, sir. Sorry for wasting your time." He wished me a nice day, though he didn't mean it (I could tell he was being sarcastic lol), and hung up.
The funny part is that he probably believed that I thought that that place was awesome looking and I only claimed that I didn't like it. I must've said it wasn't nice because I wouldn't be able to have it, of course... Sadly it was the-very-last-apartment-that-I-tried-to-call-today. Yes, it looked and read so terribly that I wasn't sure if I should have called for additional details, and now I wish I hadn't.
818 572 7009-- If only I had a name. If anyone wants to find cheap apartments in L.A. and don't mind dealing with dicks.
I won't go into details of what other things he said to me. I brought up that I was disabled and he was discriminating my income level despite it being illegal and he told me to take him to court... so I am looking up the particular parts of the law that I CAN take him to civil court. He was quite specific that it was because I couldn't ever work again that he did not want me as a tenant... I mean, if THAT is not discrimination, what is? I mean, towards the end he was saying that I wasn't going to find any place to rent due to my condition...
[[[To be honest, I forgot about this guy and what he said to me... but now I remember. But it would have been a she-said he-said, and I had no actual proof unfortunately...]]]
[[[To be honest, I forgot about this guy and what he said to me... but now I remember. But it would have been a she-said he-said, and I had no actual proof unfortunately...]]]
I haven't blogged in quite a while. Life has just gotten odd. A weird mix of rights and wrongs. When I was younger I thought by this age my life was going to be a lot different. As a child I would have guessed that I was going to be a singer, or a scientist. As a pre-teen, I thought for sure, I was going to be a biologist or geologist. As a teenager I thought for SURE I would be a biologist or an actress, and my theatre teacher thought so, too.
Coming out to Hollywood though, the closest I got to was a controlling and emotionally abusive boyfriend. He threatened me physically without touching me, but damaging things nearby. He would smash a windshield or a wall when angry, almost as a threat as to what he would do to me. I hoped some day that I could escape and sit on a sunny balcony and just happily write or do artwork, and sit happily drinking some tea.
That sunny balcony I guess is very easy to achieve... but I'm still seeking it out.
Many people are needy, high maintenance, and hard to please. I recognize that I can be needy at times, but I am usually easy to please. Feed me and don't cage me and I will be happy. Unfortunately, my physical impairment, which has caused my inability to walk more than about fifty feet or less, is a cage to me... I just need to move to a place where it isn't.
Every place I look at that is friendly to disabled people I cannot afford. Why is this? This is not fair housing!
I would be over-joyed with a place where I can move about freely and leave my home easily... and feel overwhelmed with happiness if I could leave it and move about the complex to a courtyard- and if it had a pool---that is freedom from my wheelchair. As I write this I can't stop my eyes from tearing up a little. I used to live near a YMCA, and I would swim for hours. In a pool I can hide that I have anything wrong at all; for a time I feel normal.
I've always looked back fondly at my move from Chicago to L.A. and realized that I do in fact miss several things and people... Even when it was only months that I had been gone.
Something that I thought that I would never have missed was the toxic effect that I seemed to have on males, so imagine my grief when I discovered that I still had the same issues here. Even today as I'm not seventeen and a size 2 any longer, I seem to burn the less fair half of the populous. I'm aware that a lot of the problem does lie with me- I am too nice, I cannot for the life of me tell people off if they have shown me kindness. And uh... well... No I guess, that is the biggest part.
Being female and liking video games, card games, comics, anime, board games, and other nerdy pursuits has put me into a small pool of desired females that my kindness is mistaken for 'OMG SHE LIKES ME!' And it is more, I am just a nice person.
As I write this another one has finally bit the dust, and I am kind of ashamed to say it is to my relief. I've been feeling extremely uncomfortable by his behavior and comments to me, which has been wildly innapropriate, unsocialized nerd or not. What broke the camel's back? He felt too ashamed to hang out with me after I said that I "didn't miss him" because we've only hung out a handful of times in real life, and we text very often, and his constant barrages of saying that he misses me makes me slightly uncomfortable... True I was slightly dishonest, it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but he played it off claiming that every time he said that he missed me, it was a joke and now he feels that he cannot hang out with me now. So the dozens of times over the last two months that he has said that he missed me and wanted to do creepy things to me were jokes that I took wrong? Uh, sure... At least he's not gonna bother me, and if he does I can be like "lol, you wanna do what? Haha like I'm a cat!"
I've always looked back fondly at my move from Chicago to L.A. and realized that I do in fact miss several things and people... Even when it was only months that I had been gone.
Something that I thought that I would never have missed was the toxic effect that I seemed to have on males, so imagine my grief when I discovered that I still had the same issues here. Even today as I'm not seventeen and a size 2 any longer, I seem to burn the less fair half of the populous. I'm aware that a lot of the problem does lie with me- I am too nice, I cannot for the life of me tell people off if they have shown me kindness. And uh... well... No I guess, that is the biggest part.
Being female and liking video games, card games, comics, anime, board games, and other nerdy pursuits has put me into a small pool of desired females that my kindness is mistaken for 'OMG SHE LIKES ME!' And it is more, I am just a nice person.
As I write this another one has finally bit the dust, and I am kind of ashamed to say it is to my relief. I've been feeling extremely uncomfortable by his behavior and comments to me, which has been wildly innapropriate, unsocialized nerd or not. What broke the camel's back? He felt too ashamed to hang out with me after I said that I "didn't miss him" because we've only hung out a handful of times in real life, and we text very often, and his constant barrages of saying that he misses me makes me slightly uncomfortable... True I was slightly dishonest, it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but he played it off claiming that every time he said that he missed me, it was a joke and now he feels that he cannot hang out with me now. So the dozens of times over the last two months that he has said that he missed me and wanted to do creepy things to me were jokes that I took wrong? Uh, sure... At least he's not gonna bother me, and if he does I can be like "lol, you wanna do what? Haha like I'm a cat!"
xxxxxxxxxx
December 3rd
So I moved and I have to admit, I am glad that a few people don't know where I live now. They were normal seeming at first, but I am happy they cannot look me up now. Mostly the person I mentioned above is of concern.
I have someone who was once a friend, and now I suppose is still a friend, but less. She now goes by a borrowed name, but I have to say that part of the name is borrowed from me and it upsets me. Blackwell is a real actual name I have, and she took part of my name, Black- for her name. I suppose it might have been meant to flatter or show that she was looking up to me, but I feel it hollows out my foundation as a person.
Where I live now there is a pool that I have used any day that it has been warm enough to venture in, which surprisingly there were many in September and October. In the pool I feel freedom because I can move nearly unlimitedly. It is amazing and wonderful. Also here I finally have a bathtub again. The last place I lived I had no tub, only a shower, so having a tub is wonderful. The tub is also quite old with no working that drains water once it gets too full, so I can fill it up really high without it draining. It helps my pain in my back and legs so much.
I can also use the kitchen easier. It is less of a walk, I don't have to walk over a mattress, and I can also litter objects I am using about the counters, heh heh. The oven is electric, which I have to get used to. At least once I turned the range on in the back when I meant to turn it on in the front and wondered why the pot wasn't getting hot and it took a while for me to notice. Allen, who I moved in with, also likes my cooking, which makes me happy. It encourages me to actually make food and eat more, which I chronically under-eat.
Video games in the living room on a large TV is awesome! I also got a 4 foot Christmas tree which is adorable and set it up. Darth Vader nutcracker, and a My Little Pony Cadance stocking I made. The couches we have are comfortable, though kinda ugly.
Finally we have a little balcony with no sun, but it is still nice. It is like my dream has come true. I can always find a nice sunny spot surrounded by plants in a chair by the pool... I have a home.
The price was not something that I can afford though.
Living here, I depend on Allen. All of my disability goes to rent and electricity. It still doesn't cover half. Allen got a raise and he was kind enough to pay a little more... So I wonder, what about those who are disabled and aren't able to pay less than half the rent at a place that is expensive and nice?
Even being here, where the kitchen is closer, everything is smaller, I am still suffering. Last night I couldn't leave the couch. The pain was so terrible. The nerve pain in back has been savage and raw. Getting water, food, going to the bathroom, it was all agony the last two days. Today, too, it is painful.
Always it seemed like my right leg was the culprit, but my left leg began giving me issues a couple months back. Three days ago I merely walked to the couch with a plate of food and as I stepped pain stabbed upwards in my right leg and since then mere walking has been agony for me. Pills don't help, so I don't take them. Lotions don't help, so I've given them up, patches don't work for me... oils I've stopped buying years ago. Only thing that even remotely has helped was Rx lidocaine, and that only barely... that any my baths with epsom salts.
There just seems irony that epsom salts which are something so primitive seeming would be so helpful.
December 3rd
So I moved and I have to admit, I am glad that a few people don't know where I live now. They were normal seeming at first, but I am happy they cannot look me up now. Mostly the person I mentioned above is of concern.
I have someone who was once a friend, and now I suppose is still a friend, but less. She now goes by a borrowed name, but I have to say that part of the name is borrowed from me and it upsets me. Blackwell is a real actual name I have, and she took part of my name, Black- for her name. I suppose it might have been meant to flatter or show that she was looking up to me, but I feel it hollows out my foundation as a person.
Where I live now there is a pool that I have used any day that it has been warm enough to venture in, which surprisingly there were many in September and October. In the pool I feel freedom because I can move nearly unlimitedly. It is amazing and wonderful. Also here I finally have a bathtub again. The last place I lived I had no tub, only a shower, so having a tub is wonderful. The tub is also quite old with no working that drains water once it gets too full, so I can fill it up really high without it draining. It helps my pain in my back and legs so much.
I can also use the kitchen easier. It is less of a walk, I don't have to walk over a mattress, and I can also litter objects I am using about the counters, heh heh. The oven is electric, which I have to get used to. At least once I turned the range on in the back when I meant to turn it on in the front and wondered why the pot wasn't getting hot and it took a while for me to notice. Allen, who I moved in with, also likes my cooking, which makes me happy. It encourages me to actually make food and eat more, which I chronically under-eat.
Video games in the living room on a large TV is awesome! I also got a 4 foot Christmas tree which is adorable and set it up. Darth Vader nutcracker, and a My Little Pony Cadance stocking I made. The couches we have are comfortable, though kinda ugly.
Finally we have a little balcony with no sun, but it is still nice. It is like my dream has come true. I can always find a nice sunny spot surrounded by plants in a chair by the pool... I have a home.
The price was not something that I can afford though.
Living here, I depend on Allen. All of my disability goes to rent and electricity. It still doesn't cover half. Allen got a raise and he was kind enough to pay a little more... So I wonder, what about those who are disabled and aren't able to pay less than half the rent at a place that is expensive and nice?
Even being here, where the kitchen is closer, everything is smaller, I am still suffering. Last night I couldn't leave the couch. The pain was so terrible. The nerve pain in back has been savage and raw. Getting water, food, going to the bathroom, it was all agony the last two days. Today, too, it is painful.
Always it seemed like my right leg was the culprit, but my left leg began giving me issues a couple months back. Three days ago I merely walked to the couch with a plate of food and as I stepped pain stabbed upwards in my right leg and since then mere walking has been agony for me. Pills don't help, so I don't take them. Lotions don't help, so I've given them up, patches don't work for me... oils I've stopped buying years ago. Only thing that even remotely has helped was Rx lidocaine, and that only barely... that any my baths with epsom salts.
There just seems irony that epsom salts which are something so primitive seeming would be so helpful.
